After a recent conversation with a fellow cancer warrior friend, tears welled up almost immediately.

Not only because we were talking about cancer.

But because my mind instantly went to Marilisa, my dear friend who passed away just one week before my diagnosis.

I still miss her deeply.

There are moments I wish I could simply pick up the phone and hear her voice. Moments where the sadness still arrives unexpectedly.

And yet, at the very same time, I can feel immense gratitude and warmth when I think about her smile, her spirit, the memories we created together.

It struck me how human beings have this incredible capacity to hold two truths at once.

Pain and beauty.
Grief and gratitude.
Fear and courage.
Strength and exhaustion.

This experience has changed me in ways that are difficult to fully explain with words.

But for those of us who have walked through something life-altering, there’s often an energetic understanding between us. A quiet recognition that something fundamental shifted.

Not just physically.

Existentially.

For me, the Kilimanjaro climb has become part of that transformation.

Not because I’m trying to “conquer a mountain.” Honestly, the mountain often feels symbolic of something much deeper.

A commitment to fully live.
A commitment to reconnect with my body instead of overriding it.
A commitment to move toward life instead of shrinking from what happened.

Some days I feel strong, motivated, hopeful. Other days I feel emotional, tired, unmotivated, or sad. Both are true.

What’s surprised me most is how much more deeply I now listen to my body.

My right breast, the one that went through surgery and radiation, has strangely become a kind of barometer for me.

Sometimes it tingles after I’ve had the occasional drink or indulged in more sugar than my body seems happy with. Interestingly, it also tingles during longer fasts when I intuitively feel something restorative may be happening.

Maybe some of this is physiological. Maybe some of it is psychosomatic. I don’t fully know. But it feels real to me.

And instead of dismissing those signals the way I once might have, I now pay attention.

Cancer forced me to slow down enough to notice things I used to override.

How depleted I feel after too many days indoors without sunlight.

How different my energy feels after dancing versus sitting all day.

How much more nourished I feel eating home-cooked meals instead of constantly rushing through restaurant food while traveling.

Before, I often told myself I didn’t have time to listen to these things. Now I realize listening is part of living well.

Ironically, through the pain of the diagnosis, the scar, the fear, and the uncertainty, I’ve also discovered beauty.

Not surface-level beauty. A deeper beauty. The beauty of becoming more connected to myself. More honest about what matters.

The people that matter.
The choices that matter.
The way I want to spend my time and energy.

Because one thing this experience has made painfully clear is that life will eventually hand every one of us a curveball we never saw coming.

Maybe it’s illness.
Maybe it’s heartbreak.
Loss.
Disappointment.
Change we didn’t ask for.

None of us escape being humbled by life at some point. And when that happens, we’re often forced to ask:

How do I actually want to live?
What truly matters to me?
What is my body, my intuition, my spirit trying to tell me?

My self-care is no longer optional.

My body is stronger than I once believed.

Fear is real. But so is courage.

And advocating for myself, especially while navigating endless conflicting information, has become part of reclaiming my voice.

What I’m learning is this:

Healing is not about becoming fearless or perfectly positive.

It’s about learning how to hold both the beauty and the pain without abandoning yourself in the process.

And maybe that lesson belongs to all of us, regardless of what challenge we’re facing.

Because life was never meant to be merely survived.

It was meant to be felt. Fully. With love, curiosity, and continued growth,
Patty

P.S.
I’ve been sharing more of this journey, the training, reflections, dance wisdom, and the very real moments in between, on my social channels. If you’d like to follow along, I’d love to connect with you there.
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pattycontenta/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ThePattyContenta
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@pattycontenta

P.P.S.
For those who have asked, yes, I’m still training for my Mount Kilimanjaro climb this October in support of cancer research.

I’ve already surpassed my original fundraising goal, which still amazes me. And truthfully… the support has me wondering if this may not be my last mountain.

If you’d like to contribute to the journey, here’s the donation link:

http://recherche-cancer-research.crs-src.ca/goto/PattyContenta

Thank you for walking beside me through all of it, the beauty and the hard parts too.